Mr bumps Diary is an account, written from the point of view of the vehicle, about a Land Rover Defender 90 belonging to club member Chapo. See also Chapos 90 details
Sunday 21st of October.
Went Greenlaning today. Really didn’t feel at all well this morning, got up with a right nagging pain in my front axle. I tried to tell Dad on our way to meet the others at the pub, but seemingly all my crunch, bang, wobble, wobble noises, and my less than accurate steering just weren’t enough for him. I was so relieved when Uncle Tim pointed out to him the angle my wheels were sat at and suggested he might want to nip my wheel bearings up a touch.
Sunday 28th of October.
Dad took me to play at Tixover Quarry today. I really didn’t want to go because every time he takes me off road, he brakes me. All the way there I kept trying to think of ways of getting out of it but didn’t come up with anything until we got there. I lulled him into a false sense of security and then CRUNCH…….! I let one of my New Bushes rip so he had to park me up! Result.
Saturday 3rd of November.
Can you believe it……..?!! After all I’ve put up with, and all I’ve done for him, I overheard Dad and Uncle Bondy talking about selling me and replacing me with a 110! The ungrateful Numpty! I’ve decided it’s time I taught him a lesson. He’s tried to butter me up by replacing my ripped Bush from last weekend but I’m not going to let him get away with it that easily. Tomorrow, I’m Going to kill him.
Sunday 4th of November.
Well, they do say that even the best laid plans….. Blah, blah…..
It was all going so well. I waited until early afternoon, then stole Dads Ratchet and undid the two bolts that hold my front left brake caliper on, until there was just one thread holding them in. A bit later on, Dad came out and we set off to go and see my little friend Poppy. I waited until we were just heading down the biggest hill I could thing of then spat both bolts completely out!
There was a hell of a noise when Dad hit my brake pedal! My Caliper locked onto the disc, got pulled round with it and slammed into my wheel rim. But bugger me if he does no more than bring us to a stop using my engine and gears as a brake! I may not of killed him, but I think I’ve taught him a lesson.